I'm utterly disgusted by something I heard last week.
Jim took mom's desk out of her house without asking, Bernie noticed it was missing. Bernie told mom it was missing and was very upset that Jim would take it without asking. When mom asked him about it, he said that Josh took the dresser. And guess what? She believes Jim.
Jim also left a note stating that the new Ablify that the doctor put mom on to work with her Paroextine - that it would cause her a stroke and it was for biopolar people! I spoke with the nurse and she asked who she keeps getting this information from. I told her my uneducated, unemployed, drugged up brother! She said she would talk to mom.
Last week mom had a 3 hour appointment with the folks from the council of aging, they are looking over her assets to see if she would qualify for Medicaid. Since her assets are over $2,000 - they suggested putting her excessive into prepaid burial. I don't agree.
I'm so sad...I'm sad that it feels like I'm alone where the care of my mother is concerned. I keep hearing folks will help, will do this - will do that. But I don't see anything.
I need to focus on what I'm doing and fracking forget what everyone else is not doing..but how can I do that?
I am so tired..I just want to sleep for a week!
Like wake me up when this is over.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Walking Pneumonia
I found out last week I have walking pneumonia after being sick prior to that for 2 weeks. At least, I know what is wrong with me. Seen doctor again today and he said I should start to feel better in 2 weeks.
Just didn't want you all to think I fell off the face of the earth or abanonded this site.
Thanks and good health to all
Love, Marissa
Just didn't want you all to think I fell off the face of the earth or abanonded this site.
Thanks and good health to all
Love, Marissa
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Being Positive is what helps me the most.....
When you grow up around negavity as a child -- it seems normal. The critical comments - you get used too.
Well, then you venture out and interact with the world and realize that is not the only way to live
Well, then you venture out and interact with the world and realize that is not the only way to live
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
DeltaMagazines.com - DO NOT BUY FROM WEB SITE!
DeltaMagazines.com is a scam website! I purchased (or so I thought) two magazines and never received them. I googled deltamagazines and found out the website is a scam site. You think you are purchasing magazines but you are not - you are being scammed out of your money!
Here is a link to how I discovered the scam http://reviews.pricegrabber.com/delta-magazines/r/2524/.
Hope I save everybody the heart ache and most of all your money!
Here is a link to how I discovered the scam http://reviews.pricegrabber.com/delta-magazines/r/2524/.
Hope I save everybody the heart ache and most of all your money!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Working with Dad this summer
Garven is working with his Dad this summer. Since Daren owns his own business - he is able to watch our son and we are able to save on the huge cost of daycare. It's so nice NOT worrying about Garven during the day, just knowing he's with Daren is a relief.
Have blessed day,
They enjoy all the things that boys enjoy...
- Playing pranks on each other
- Hanging signs on the back of each other's vehicles
- You know all that boy stuff (LOL)
Have blessed day,
Friday, June 11, 2010
Guess Who is Promoted to 5th Grade and Earned All A's!
Dear Garven,
You are the kindest boy I know and I love how you care about EVERYONE! Please don't lose that - it is a great character quality to possess.
Congratulations on getting all A's on your final report card - so extremely proud I'm bursting with JOY!
I love you and would go to the moon and back for you. Love, Mom
Teacher notes from the year:
January: I am very glad to have him in my classroom. He is a hard worker and picks up and applies concepts quickly. Keep it up!
Garven received a 99% = A on his A.A. assignment for this marking period!
April:
Garven is great to have and class and continues to work hard. Keep it up.
June:
Garven has been an absolute joy to have in class this year! He is a very hard worker and is the most respectful student a teacher could ask for.Reading - A
GRADES:
Writing - A-
Math - A
Science - A
Social Studies - A
You are the kindest boy I know and I love how you care about EVERYONE! Please don't lose that - it is a great character quality to possess.
Congratulations on getting all A's on your final report card - so extremely proud I'm bursting with JOY!
I love you and would go to the moon and back for you. Love, Mom
Teacher notes from the year:
January: I am very glad to have him in my classroom. He is a hard worker and picks up and applies concepts quickly. Keep it up!
Garven received a 99% = A on his A.A. assignment for this marking period!
April:
Garven is great to have and class and continues to work hard. Keep it up.
June:
Garven has been an absolute joy to have in class this year! He is a very hard worker and is the most respectful student a teacher could ask for.Reading - A
GRADES:
Writing - A-
Math - A
Science - A
Social Studies - A
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
James Kissane - Can't Keep My Mouth Shut Anymore About Him
For years this man has been like a leech embedded in my soul and recently I've learned to pull that leech out and stomp on it.
For years he has manipulated my mother and it baffles me how she cannot see it.
He has stolen so many things/items from her over the years - I could literally write a book. As long as I can remember he has been a thief...stealing collectables, laundry soap, guns, you name it - he has it.
I was really ticked off to hear that he has struck again....he stole 2 bottles of laundry soap from moms. First he says that he didn't take it - must be someone else! Or he will say Brooke is using
For years he has manipulated my mother and it baffles me how she cannot see it.
He has stolen so many things/items from her over the years - I could literally write a book. As long as I can remember he has been a thief...stealing collectables, laundry soap, guns, you name it - he has it.
I was really ticked off to hear that he has struck again....he stole 2 bottles of laundry soap from moms. First he says that he didn't take it - must be someone else! Or he will say Brooke is using
She's playing you for fool....why Mary Lou?
I just realized how deficient I am in many ways. We learn from our parents, the people responsible/entrusted for shaping the person you become. They shape how you feel about yourself, how you react to any given situation.
I do feel though that seeing that the way I was raised was a means-to-an-end. What do I mean by that? My parents were deficient, void, and immature – they too did not have emotionally responsible parents. Family emotions really go on cycles, passed down to the next generation.
Mom in particular was never ‘present’ as I was growing up – she found ways to numb herself and be oblivious to the most important job she had. Being a mom. Not being ‘present’ is cowardly to me and almost unforgivable.
She never had the tools to fight for herself, to care for us or even emphasize with anyone, let alone a child.
She was always very unapproachable and would be the last person to confide in. She was very critical and often would betray your trust, sharing it with other members; almost laughing at your pain. She’d use it against you, betray you in a heart beat. It was almost like she would thrive off your pain.
She’s the most negative person I’ve ever encountered in my life. She thrives on negativity.
I’ve always tried to give her the benefit of the doubt but sometimes when you have to become the parent, when you are a child, it can be very demoralizing. You tell yourself it’s OK that your mom was never ‘present’ that you are capable of taking care of yourself and tell yourself it’s not your responsibility to fix it.
Currently, it’s difficult to walk in her house/world on a daily basis, it’s depressing, demeaning – it’s like walking into a web of lies.
She lies to cover lies.
She limits herself.
It feels horrible to tell this truth but yet freeing.
But I do realize I cannot keep enabling this behavior.
It’s hard growing up listening to her talk horrible about your siblings, but you realize that this again is her web of lies – she wants us to be miserable and lonely – just like she is.
If I can see how she is, I’m guessing the rest of the family knows how she is too. They have to see and know she is lying to them, don’t they?
For years, the two people she’s talked the most horrible about is Dad and Bernie. She tries to manipulate how a person feels about others. Does she think I’m stupid? Doesn’t she know that I know she’s lying to me, does she even care?
She’s always been down right dirty when it comes to Becky. I’ve always wondered how a parent could treat/talk about their child like that.
I’ve had to tell mom recently that I do not want to hear her talk about siblings bad. I will not accept it as a topic anymore!
She always plays the victim when you call her on anything. She lies to cover the lies. She always blames someone else. Oh My Gosh --- I just realized it sounds like Jim. I guess he learned from the best.
I do feel though that seeing that the way I was raised was a means-to-an-end. What do I mean by that? My parents were deficient, void, and immature – they too did not have emotionally responsible parents. Family emotions really go on cycles, passed down to the next generation.
Mom in particular was never ‘present’ as I was growing up – she found ways to numb herself and be oblivious to the most important job she had. Being a mom. Not being ‘present’ is cowardly to me and almost unforgivable.
She never had the tools to fight for herself, to care for us or even emphasize with anyone, let alone a child.
She was always very unapproachable and would be the last person to confide in. She was very critical and often would betray your trust, sharing it with other members; almost laughing at your pain. She’d use it against you, betray you in a heart beat. It was almost like she would thrive off your pain.
She’s the most negative person I’ve ever encountered in my life. She thrives on negativity.
I’ve always tried to give her the benefit of the doubt but sometimes when you have to become the parent, when you are a child, it can be very demoralizing. You tell yourself it’s OK that your mom was never ‘present’ that you are capable of taking care of yourself and tell yourself it’s not your responsibility to fix it.
Currently, it’s difficult to walk in her house/world on a daily basis, it’s depressing, demeaning – it’s like walking into a web of lies.
She lies to cover lies.
She limits herself.
It feels horrible to tell this truth but yet freeing.
But I do realize I cannot keep enabling this behavior.
It’s hard growing up listening to her talk horrible about your siblings, but you realize that this again is her web of lies – she wants us to be miserable and lonely – just like she is.
If I can see how she is, I’m guessing the rest of the family knows how she is too. They have to see and know she is lying to them, don’t they?
For years, the two people she’s talked the most horrible about is Dad and Bernie. She tries to manipulate how a person feels about others. Does she think I’m stupid? Doesn’t she know that I know she’s lying to me, does she even care?
She’s always been down right dirty when it comes to Becky. I’ve always wondered how a parent could treat/talk about their child like that.
I’ve had to tell mom recently that I do not want to hear her talk about siblings bad. I will not accept it as a topic anymore!
She always plays the victim when you call her on anything. She lies to cover the lies. She always blames someone else. Oh My Gosh --- I just realized it sounds like Jim. I guess he learned from the best.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Morel Hunting We Shall Go
Going morel hunting this weekend - will post pictures of our adventure! We are going with my niece Krista, her husband Allen and their daughter Karlee.
Even if I don't find a single one, I am so thankful for the time with my family! I love the outdoors especially the hills where we hunt. You need a four wheel drive to get around this area and I love driving it!
Can't wait to share!
**Update: We had bad weather but managed to pick approx. 4lbs between all of us! It snowed, it sleeted, it rained--Michigan's tricky weather in May.
Even if I don't find a single one, I am so thankful for the time with my family! I love the outdoors especially the hills where we hunt. You need a four wheel drive to get around this area and I love driving it!
Can't wait to share!
**Update: We had bad weather but managed to pick approx. 4lbs between all of us! It snowed, it sleeted, it rained--Michigan's tricky weather in May.
Post Removed
I removed yesterday's post - it felt too much like listing things I do versus others (well essentially it was) and it didn't feel appropriate. So I removed the post!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Ray Manhart - We will miss you dearly!
We found out on Sunday that our childhood friend, Ray Manhart died today on Friday. Ray had lung cancer and was going through chemo/radiation. He was doing well in spite of losing his 20 year old son last year to suicide. Last year we went to his son's funeral - that was hard - losing your only child to suicide is a hard pill to swallow. He never recovered and gave up the fight after that.
I lost it at the funeral when I saw his wife, Tina....Tina has always been someone I cared about and loved visiting with. (We live too far apart and don't see each other as often as I'd like).
Today, I'm still struggling - with the saddness, the loss and thinking somehow we could of done something more, been there more or something...I should know too well that kind of head game is awful to play and living in the what-ifs is not somewhere to go.
Ray - I hope you are in no more pain and are in the arms of God and Jesus and that you are with little Ray.
We love you and will miss you dearly.
1964-2010 Raymond Manhart, Standish, MI
I lost it at the funeral when I saw his wife, Tina....Tina has always been someone I cared about and loved visiting with. (We live too far apart and don't see each other as often as I'd like).
Today, I'm still struggling - with the saddness, the loss and thinking somehow we could of done something more, been there more or something...I should know too well that kind of head game is awful to play and living in the what-ifs is not somewhere to go.
Ray - I hope you are in no more pain and are in the arms of God and Jesus and that you are with little Ray.
We love you and will miss you dearly.
1964-2010 Raymond Manhart, Standish, MI
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I was challenged to my core yesterday
Mom called me at work (she had been to dentist the day before) - she asked me to call my brother and ask him to go to her house and give her her insulin shots!!! She said she was so sore from dentist she couldn't move, couldn't get out of bed.
I went there around 11:30 and she was in bed. I took her blood sugar level, gave her a bananna to eat while I gave her 2 insulin shots while she laid in bed. Meal on Wheels arrived. I put in fridge and got her some jello and pudding to eat, brought that into her bedside table. I filled her needles for the next two days, filled her medicine wheel, and picked up dirty clothes (she had diarrea last night and didn't make it to bathroom).
I'm almost crying at this point...I just switched jobs and that is stressing me out and now I'm spending my lunch hour waiting on a completely capable person. She asks me to rub her feet. I'm put my head down and pray for strength. I'm not a touchy, feeley person - I have a hard time with physical contact. (due to childhood abuse). I dig in and find it in me - I rub her feet.
I go back to work and focus on WORK.
In Ephesians 4:26, Paul warns, "In your anger, do not sin" which means that while God created us with the capacity for anger, the key to dealing with anger is learning to express it correctly.
Be focused.
Psalm 37:8 "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret; it leads only to evil."
Be understanding.
James 1:19 "Everyone should be quick to listen." I guess that is why we have two ears and one mouth!!
Be kind.
Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Be ready.
1 Peter 5:8 "Be self-controlled and alert." This tells me I have to have a plan and make sure I have balance in my life, so I can control my responses.
Proverbs 22:24 is very clear, "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man; do not associate with one easily angered." Great Advice!
I went there around 11:30 and she was in bed. I took her blood sugar level, gave her a bananna to eat while I gave her 2 insulin shots while she laid in bed. Meal on Wheels arrived. I put in fridge and got her some jello and pudding to eat, brought that into her bedside table. I filled her needles for the next two days, filled her medicine wheel, and picked up dirty clothes (she had diarrea last night and didn't make it to bathroom).
I'm almost crying at this point...I just switched jobs and that is stressing me out and now I'm spending my lunch hour waiting on a completely capable person. She asks me to rub her feet. I'm put my head down and pray for strength. I'm not a touchy, feeley person - I have a hard time with physical contact. (due to childhood abuse). I dig in and find it in me - I rub her feet.
I go back to work and focus on WORK.
In Ephesians 4:26, Paul warns, "In your anger, do not sin" which means that while God created us with the capacity for anger, the key to dealing with anger is learning to express it correctly.
Be focused.
Psalm 37:8 "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret; it leads only to evil."
Be understanding.
James 1:19 "Everyone should be quick to listen." I guess that is why we have two ears and one mouth!!
Be kind.
Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Be ready.
1 Peter 5:8 "Be self-controlled and alert." This tells me I have to have a plan and make sure I have balance in my life, so I can control my responses.
Proverbs 22:24 is very clear, "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man; do not associate with one easily angered." Great Advice!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I love Teapots
Look at this beauty - the bottom is stamp Athens Gibson, made in England and W872 is handwritten. I just love all teapots!
Polish Agates from U.P. MI
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
She has risen above, it's been a journey
Her brain protects her from the dark, disgusting secret. She was only four years old when it started and it remained hidden inside.
She grows, she blossoms, she endures.....
Simmering below the surface, it sneers, it waits to attack.
It was a leech embedded deep in me, sucking the life from me. A horrible sickness, a blackness hissing - waiting....
It's there - but I choose to stifle it. I choose to live, to be ever present - to forgive NOT to forget.
She made it - you can too.
She grows, she blossoms, she endures.....
Simmering below the surface, it sneers, it waits to attack.
It was a leech embedded deep in me, sucking the life from me. A horrible sickness, a blackness hissing - waiting....
It's there - but I choose to stifle it. I choose to live, to be ever present - to forgive NOT to forget.
She made it - you can too.
Cooking - Chili and Chicken Soup
My husband and I spent Saturday cooking!
He cooked a pot of Chili, I cooked a huge pot of Chicken Noodle Soup (and used Ree's recipe, aka Pioneer Woman). We froze the chili and chicken noodle soup and now will have some ready-to-grab dinners! We do this from time to time and it saves us money and is good at the same time!
He cooked a pot of Chili, I cooked a huge pot of Chicken Noodle Soup (and used Ree's recipe, aka Pioneer Woman). We froze the chili and chicken noodle soup and now will have some ready-to-grab dinners! We do this from time to time and it saves us money and is good at the same time!
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